Published: 04/30/2025By: Toby Jacob
There’s nothing more exciting than getting that first date with someone. Your stomach fills with butterflies, you put on your best outfit, and prepare to meet someone new and exciting. Unfortunately, getting caught up in all that new-date excitement makes it easy to miss any red flags that they may have.
The good news is that you can nip this problem in the bud by knowing what the red flags are before you meet someone. In this article, we take you through some of the most important red flags that you don’t want to miss when dating someone new.
Read on to learn more about our 10 red flags not to ignore when dating someone new.
What Are Red Flags When Dating Someone?
Red flags when dating someone are warning signs that something isn’t quite right. While red flags can be personal preferences, the major ones tend to be related to harmful, controlling, or unhealthy personality traits. In fact, many red flags are obvious, like yelling, punching holes in walls, and acting possessively.
Unfortunately, many red flags are more subtle and harder to find. For example, you may not notice red flags like constant criticism, isolating tendencies, or even a criminal record if you’re not paying attention or actively learning more about someone.
Why It’s Important to Find Red Flags Before They Find You
The sooner you find red flags, the better. If you wait too long, you can end up in a relationship you don’t want to be in, or worse, a marriage.
Aside from getting away from incompatible partners, spotting red flags early can also help you work on problems early. If someone has a temper, for example, you can work through that with them before it gets worse. This can also apply to trust issues and other red flags. Ultimately, it’s better to address them early instead of waiting for them to get worse down the line.
10 Red Flags Not to Ignore When Dating Someone New
When you’re preparing to date someone new, there’s a lot you have to look out for. You’ll want to learn more about their values, jobs, schedules, and much more.
While there are plenty of good things to look for when dating someone new, you shouldn’t forget about the bad. Learn more about our 10 red flags not to ignore when dating someone new below.
1. Abusive Behavior
First and foremost, we have to start with abusive behavior. If you notice that someone has abusive tendencies or if they grab, shove, or shout at you, it’s a major red flag, and you need to pump the brakes on any relationship you plan to have with them.
While many abusers won’t lead with this behavior, it’s something that may start small and build into something much bigger. If anyone harms you or belittles you, don’t accept their apology. Instead, get out as fast as you can.
Unfortunately, due to abusive tendencies coming into play later in relationships, these signs can be hard to spot at first. Keep an eye out for early behaviors that can lead to abusive tendencies early on, like jealousy, controlling behavior, and isolation.
2. A Criminal Record
Another red flag is a criminal record. While this isn’t always a red flag, and people can change, if someone has a criminal history or a history of sex offenses, it’s definitely a red flag you should keep in mind. Unfortunately, this is one of the hardest things to find because people might not be open about their criminal record.
The good news is that you can use one of our people search tools to find anything that’s public record. This includes criminal records, court records, sex offender records, and much more. All you need to get started is someone’s first and last name, city, and state.
3. They Don’t Want to Meet
If you meet someone online and they don’t want to meet in person, that’s another dating red flag. For example, if they just want to talk over the phone and text all the time, they might be hiding something from you. They can be hiding their identity, appearance, or even their intentions. Unfortunately, these are warning signs that someone is trying to catfish you.
The good news is that if you have their phone number, you can learn the real reason they don’t want to meet with our reverse phone lookup tool. It’s a simple tool you can leverage to find the owner of a phone number. If you enter the information into our search tool and it comes back with a different name, unfortunately, there’s a good chance that you’re being catfished; what you do with this information is up to you.
4. Crossing Boundaries
Crossing boundaries is another red flag in a relationship. When you set boundaries, you’re essentially making it clear that if someone is going to be in your life, they have to respect those wishes. For example, if you don’t like to talk on the phone and someone keeps calling you, they’re breaking boundaries.
Other examples of crossing boundaries include:
- Not giving you space when you ask for it
- Not respecting your privacy
- Going through your devices
- Showing up uninvited
Unfortunately, if someone breaks boundaries once or twice, there’s a good chance they’ll do it again because it’s a slippery slope. Make sure you talk about it with them and split if they continue crossing them.
5. Inconsistency
There’s nothing worse than always being the one who has to make plans. Do you find yourself constantly asking someone out? Or are you putting all of the effort in? This is a major red flag, and it’s likely not one that will get better.
In fact, it may get worse as people may come in and out of your life on a whim if they know you’re always available, and that can prevent other budding relationships.
Unfortunately, it’s hard to break this cycle because once they come back, it will make you feel happy and excited again, so you need to step back and recognize the red flag for what it is.
6. Lying
When someone lies or cheats, it’s a red flag, hands down. Sure, if they’re lying about planning your birthday party as a surprise, it’s fine, but if they’re lying about their past, friends, or other things, it’s a red flag.
This is because white lies can eventually turn into big lies, and if someone is comfortable lying to you, it’s hard to tell when they’re telling the truth. Overall, it’s best to avoid liars or at least confront them on this behavior sooner rather than later.
7. Controlling Behavior
The last thing you want is for someone to control your life, so anyone who tries to do so is a walking red flag. Unfortunately, controlling behavior can be hard to spot at first, especially if it starts out slow and harmless. Examples of controlling behavior include:
- Preventing you from being around your friends
- Not letting you go places
- Making sure you’re always there when they need you
- Making you feel bad about spending time away from them
- Going through phones and devices
- Tracking your location
These are only a few examples, and you’d be surprised by the lengths that people will go to control others.
8. Lack of Compromise
When you’re dating someone and they don’t compromise with you on anything, it’s a big red flag. If you can’t come together and meet in the middle on some issues, it’s time to cut your losses and find someone who will. This may start out small, but eventually, it may be over big things like where to live, friends to hang out with, and much more.
While a lack of compromise is a red flag, you still might be able to speak to someone about it and correct this behavior early on. Therefore, it’s not always something to end a relationship over right away.
9. Terrible Communication
Communication is key in relationships because if you don’t talk, how will you get to know each other? If you’re always texting first or being the one to make a move after being left on read for several days, that’s terrible communication.
That said, bad communication can also manifest in other ways. For example, someone may not be open about how they feel about certain things, and that can result in problems down the line due to resentment. Therefore, communication should be discussed early and often.
10. Love Bombing
Another red flag that you may come across is love bombing. This happens when someone showers you with love, gifts, and anything else that will make you happy.
While this may seem great at first, people will often use it to get out of fights, rush into relationships, or catch you off guard without giving you time to think. So, if someone is giving you the occasional gift, no big deal, but if someone is bringing flowers to your job daily, something is very wrong.
Find Red Flags Before It’s Too Late
Finding red flags before it’s too late is one of the best things you can do for a relationship. While there are many red flags you can spot by speaking to someone, sometimes you’ll need to dive deeper into someone’s history, and our people search tools are the perfect tools for the job.
While people search tools are effective, you also have to account for more subtle red flags that you can’t find in public records. Make sure you take some time to speak with them and observe them around friends and family; this is one of the best ways to learn more about someone.
You can also check for behavioral problems and other issues as well, so it’s important to pay attention to your date and not just the butterflies they may give you during those exciting first few dates.
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